My daughter is expected to make her grand entrance to this crazy world on July 20th. Things are beginning to get really crazy now. Reality sets in firmer the bigger she grows, and we are counting down the days now that we are below #100. I can only imagine how much time and responsibility she will require, and really, no matter what, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I guess no one is ever prepared for their first child. You can read all the books and reviews and consider all the advice others have provided, but no matter what, it is going to be a feat. I keep telling myself that most people do this - some even do it right.
With the baby's birth looming, I decided to take one of those adventurous trips people go on to "find" themselves. I wanted to get away from society and into the wild for a few days to gather my thoughts and emotions and sort of "regroup". There was no question where I was going. I was going to the Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois, and I was going to camp in a tent, alone. Living there for four days and nights, I'd have no reception whatsoever, so I'd have to drive to town in order to make my required daily calls to Aimee. And I did it, and it was blissful. It felt so incredibly good to come back to camp after a rigorous day of hiking and building a fire to sit by. Nights were inky black, save for the moonlight dappled through the pine and oak canopy. And even though I was alone, I was never really alone - I was joined nightly by barred owls, coyotes, spring peepers, and all orders of insects. In the morning, I'd be greeted by a cacophony of birds in what in known as a dawn chorus. They start calling before the sun rises and increase in intensity as the morning evolves. Sometimes, at dawn, the calls of nocturnal birds mingled with those of diurnal birds, in the case of the owls weaving in and out of the passeriformes until the owls decided to call it a...day. And of course, the woodpeckers made their presence clear by rapping all morning and then somewhat less frequently later in the day.
Nights were chilly, particularly the first night, when it reached the upper thirties. BUT - I was prepared this time with extra blankets. The first time I camped in the area (fall 2014), my nephew and I were gravely unprepared for the bone-chilling nights we'd experience. I had packed two insufficient sleeping bags, one for each of us, and we were miserable. Well, I was miserable. Somehow he slept through it all just fine as I was awake, teeth chattering. I didn't want any of that, so both sleeping bags as well as a heavy quilt came with me and I felt GREAT. The second night was milder and more comfortable, but at 3:15 in the morning, I was awaken by a light drizzle that quickly escalated into a full-blown rainstorm. I had mixed feelings about this. Part of me was lulled into a comfortable state by the rain the way a night rain can lull anyone to sleep. But, another part of me wondered how well my flimsy tent would hold up as the wind picked up. At no time did I ever even consider falling branches, and not until the morning, when I unzipped the tent door and stepped outside, did I realize the potential danger of such threats (a six-inch thick, eight-foot long, lichen-covered branch had fallen during the storm and landed about ten feet from my tent). The third and fourth nights went on without issue.
Needless to say, I spent most of the time herping. I went to Snake Road as well as other natural areas in southern Illinois, as well as adjacent Missouri. I took a lot of photos, but I also made efforts to simply observe more than I usually do. Earlier this year, I thought about how much nature I've seen through a lens vs how much I actually just stopped to look at. So that's what I did, I put aside the whole idea that "if I don't document it, it didn't happen". And it worked out great, because even though I was able to get a few photos (and one short video) of dwarf American toads breeding, it wasn't until I put the camera away and just watched did I actually SEE what was taking place before me. And then a little later, when I saw a cottonmouth stretched along the bank of a shallow stream that fed a marsh full of calling toads, I simply sat down on the ground long enough for the snake to lose its fear of me and crawl off and stalk those toads. Its tongue flicked with more purpose the closer it got to the oblivious toads, and then the snake crawled out of sight into some emergent vegetation where the toads were. Probably best of all, as I was driving down a country road one day, I saw a fresh roadkilled deer being scavenged by a wake of black vultures. My approach spooked the birds, but as I pulled over and remained still, the birds came back and greedily picked away at the deer's mangled body. Photos would have been nice, but by reaching out the window and clicking away, I would have interfered and compromised the situation. So though I did bring my camera with me all the time, there were some things I just had to let go.
There were two things I learned on the trip. One was that these types of lone ranger trips are good for me. Camping in the wilderness is therapeutic. A trip or two per year would be ideal, but I know that may not always pan out. What benefits me the most is getting out of my element - the stresses of city life, work, bills, all that. It's amazing what a few days of self-exile could do for the soul.
But, the other thing I learned was that I missed Aimee and that I knew I wanted to be there for my daughter all the time. I want to be the dad I never had - essentially, to be a provider, a source of comfort and warmth, and a trustworthy, supportive symbol of strength and confidence. And, you know, that IS who I am and who I will be. So, balancing the two things will be a work in progress, but one thing for sure is that this little girl of mine is coming along and having a great time as soon as she is old enough!
But back to the trip itself - it was very personal, and I'll try to leave much of the detail out and simply throw some photos and descriptions in as a sort of summary.
But back to the trip itself - it was very personal, and I'll try to leave much of the detail out and simply throw some photos and descriptions in as a sort of summary.
Blanchard's cricket frog (Acris crepitans blanchardi)
Terrible photo of the difficult-to-pose zigzag salamander (Plethodon dorsalis)
Green frog (Lithobates clamitans)
Western ribbon snake (Thamnophis proximus)
Southern IL intergrade ringneck snake (Diadophis punctatus spp)
Crayfish burrow & chimney
Marbled salamander (Ambystoma opacum)
Smallmouth salamander (Ambystoma texanum)
Central newt (Notophthalmus viridescens louisianensis)
Cypress-tupelo swamp
Vernal pools
Secondary woodland - good Eastern box turtle habitat
Rat snake (Pantherophis spiloides)
Find the huge dead beaver...
...huge dead beaver (Castor canadensis)
Plainbelly water snake (Nerodia erythrogaster)
Plainbelly water snake (Nerodia erythrogaster)
Midland brown snake (Storeria dekayi)
Larue-Pine Hills
Prairie ringneck snake (Diadophis punctatus arnyi)
MO glade habitat
Ground skink (Scinella lateralis)
Lined snake (Tropidoclonium lineatum)
Eastern yellow-bellied racer (Coluber constrictor flaviventris)
Fence lizard (Sceloporus undulatus)
Racerunner (Cnemidophorus sexlineatus)
Northern slimy salamander (Plethodon glutinosus)
Dwarf American toad (Anaxyrus americanus charlesmithi)
All sorts of herps were found in this wonderful stream
Speckled kingsnake (Lampropeltis getula holbrooki)
Dwarf American toads in amplexus (with eggs)
Timber rattlesnake (Crotalus horridus)
Cottonmouth (Agkistrodon piscivorous)
I trust you
Early morning blister beetle (family Meloidae)
Woodland floor lush with spring ephemerals
Poor photo of long-tailed salamander (Euycea longicauda)
Southern leopard frog (Lithobates sphenocephalus)
Early spring morning hike
Winding down
Home away from home
Western worm snake (Carphophis vermis)
Coal slink (Plestiodon anthracinus)
Rough green snake (Opheodrys aestivus)
We'll end this with the biggest black rat snake I've ever caught, a near six-footer I caught on the side of the road next to a discarded mattress. It was an epic trip.
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